Monday, September 15, 2014 | By: BlackGargie

Two Deaths in the Family

My little gone...

I better start from the top.

Last Saturday, we heard some sad news that my 2nd sis in law's mom in law had finally succumbed to her relapsed cancer and died. It was quite sudden, but we sorta half expected it since she was getting into the age, and the cancer was almost too far gone for her to fight it, so we were surprised, but not too surprised.

That wasn't the saddest bit.

The saddest bit was that we lost our dear little niece too.

I'm sure you remember my previous entries about our dear little niece who had always been the object of bullying and neglect and unwarranted hate by her own mother.

Well now it seems that God couldn't take it anymore and decided to take her away from all this suffering.

She was originally getting better since she was finally qualified for surgery to fix her hole-in-heart problem, and when she came back from the surgery at KL, we were looking forward to see her having a happy and somewhat normal life.

But as soon as she got back, she had lost all the attention she deserved to get and it was back to the routine of being verbally abused and neglected and just plain hated. She became steadily thinner and less cheerful and more stressed out and her health began deteriorating again, and when the family announced that they are finally moving out since they found themselves a new home, the first thing I worried was for her, since without our watchful eyes and without supervision, my sis in law's treatment towards her would worsen.

Then today, when I was doing my work as usual, my hubs called me out of the blue to tell me that our niece has been admitted to ICU due to her condition worsening. She had been having a bit of a fever and a cough, and had been coughing very badly last night and at a very long period with vomiting in between, but her parents assured us that it was just the usual bug, even went to the doctors to confirm it, and insisted that she will be fine with some meds, so we didn't think much of it. The docs were actually quite concerned after her visit and tried to follow up with them the next day (which was yesterday), but we didn't know that this was a precursor to a horrific end.

When my hubs told me that, I was worried, since we all knew she wasn't a very well girl to begin with, but I couldn't really leave work, so I told him to go on without me and update me. A few minutes later, my hubs called again to tell me the sad news and my heart just sank.

She's gone.

The docs were putting her on a breathing machine, but her heart has officially stopped.

We lost her.


They killed her! The parents who were supposed to take better care of her neglected her as always! And now she's practically gone!

I asked my superior for an emergency leave and had to go. Luckily I only needed to change a few things on the forms I was doing, so Jocee could take over for me. When we were in the car, my hubs told me not to say anything and keep quiet and let them grieve. How could I not say something?! How could I just keep quiet when I knew she was the one who killed their little girl?!

When we got there I was greeted with a sight so heavy that I couldn't believe it was real. She looked so blue, her body was cold and I've never seen something so tragic. Her eyes were slightly upturned and her body colour looked like she was starting to slowly enter the stage of rigor mortis, but she was still a little soft to the touch. She may not be my daughter, but at that moment, I cried like a baby. I gripped her sheets and buried my face next to her and hugged her and I just cried. My mom in law cried the hardest, but we all cried, even my hubs, with the exception of my dad in law, since he has to put a strong front.

Not sure the full story, but basically after her last night's cough and fever got worse, my hub's parents brought her to the clinic, which in turn led her to RIPAS ICU, since one look at her and the docs knew the worse. They had to X-ray her and scan her and all that, and apparently one of her lungs has yet to recover from an infection she got when she was at KL at the time, and it was slightly collapsed and her other lung worked too hard to compensate until it got infected too, and both of their weight compressed her heart and it gave out, and from there, her heart basically just stopped. They originally tried to get her to breathe normally by putting the gas mask on, but she refused the gas mask and the help, as if she knew that there was something wrong with her that could not be saved, and her last words were "I wanna throw up" before she just suddenly went into shock and collapsed. According to my dad in law, when they tried to revive her, she coughed up blood and that was the last breath she ever made.

She was lying there on the bed motionless, on respiratory machine to sustain her until her parents come over from KB, but she has no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing.

She's gone.

Completely gone

So this is what numb feels like...

I went out of the ward as soon as my sis in law and her husband arrived. I couldn't stand being in the same room with them knowing that they had a hand in this, and if I ever stayed there, I knew I was going to do or say something that I may or may not regret. I just sat out here, feeling so numb from crying and trying to control myself from going on a killing spree against her and her husband.

If they had paid attention to the signs instead of accusing her for pretending to be sick, this wouldn't have happened. I have the right mind to call the police on them and scream at them for being a murderer if it weren't for my dad in law saying that we should let them grieve.

In my opinion they are not punished enough. They should be arrested and jailed, and even that is not punishment enough. I want them to suffer the consequences forever, and never be forgiven or forgotten about it. My dad in law said karma will get to her eventually, but I want karma to strike her NOW! I want to give her my own brand of karma for all the horrible things she had done to her poor little girl who wanted nothing more than to be loved and looked after like a parent should be doing. I bet this is not even a lesson for her. I bet it's probably a relief for her, that she doesn't have to bother about her troublesome mistake of a child any longer.

I really feel like stabbing her right now...

We said our last goodbyes, I hugged our little niece and said goodbye and said that I was sorry. Then we came home and held our little princess and spend our every waking moment with her, telling her that we love her. I called my dad to tell him the news, and he told me to do some old midwives' tale ritual and all that. I'm not superstitious, but I did it anyway just in case.

I really was sorry. I was sorry I couldn't protect her. I was sorry I didn't do enough to rescue her from her terrible life with her parents. I was sorry I couldn't be with her more when she needed the most attention. I was sorry. I was sorry for everything an aunt should've done.

I'll never forgive them. Never!

I'm sorry...