Tuesday, September 23, 2014 | By: BlackGargie

RIP, My Sweet Niece

Just got back from the funeral, so thought I'd update the situation after the previous post.

After her death, we all agreed that the little girl should be buried next to her grandma who passed away not too long ago from relapsed cancer, and the ambulance have been arranged to bring her there and all the procedures like paperwork, bishop to officiate the funeral rites as well as the coffin were done. We originally wanted to get her a child's coffin, but apparently churches do not provide children's coffin, and outside services costs a bit, and we all know the last thing my sis in law wants is to spend money. But in the end, ultimately they chose an adult coffin anyway because they wanted to include all her worldly possessions into her coffin and having a kid's coffin is just not big enough to fit everything.

The funeral was somber, but went without a hitch. The bishop was a bit of a mumbler, and we can't tell where or when he has finished his lines, but overall he did his job well and the rituals and rites went swimmingly. It was originally a closed casket at first, but apparently the bishop has to bless the coffin with holy water and such, so we are able to view her one last time before they closed the coffin for good.

She looked so peaceful, albeit still a little dead-looking from when I last saw her at the hospital, but she was still the most beautiful. My BFF also came over to attend the funeral and when all the direct family members (including my BFF, since he's also our cousin) were the last to give a longer last view of her, he cried along with us. It was the first time I saw him cry, and even my dad in law who put up a strong front all this time finally gave in to his manly tears. We were all in sobs, and her older brother and younger brother, though knowing that she was dead, had just had the reality sunken into them and they finally let loose their emotions and cried their hearts out, especially the older brother, whose cry was so heartbroken, it made me cry even harder.

I dunno if it's just me, but I feel like my sis in law was not grieving as badly as a mother should. In fact, it didn't feel like she was grieving as hard as she should when she came in to the hospital ward to see her daughter for the last time. During the funeral, I saw her cry, but she didn't cry like a mother lost a child. None of that bawling, crying, screaming and hugging and all tht, just quiet sobs. Even her own sons cried harder than she did, and yet she barely uttered a peep.

You might think that maybe she's just suppressing her emotions, keeping it down to put up a strong front for everyone, but come on! It's your daughter! Your only daughter! The daughter that you apparently let her die! Don't you feel any goddamn guilt AT ALL??

God, I wanna just kill her but I had to respect my dad in law's wishes.

I kept my mouth shut and gave her the silent treatment all day during the funeral. Even after bringing her to the cemetery to be buried and putting more of her worldly things with her inside the grave, watching her coffin being lowered down and the dirt and cement officially covering her up for all eternity, I didn't even want to LOOK at her in the eye, not even when she was right next to me.

Even when we were supposed to meet up with my in-laws (who apparently there is a Chinese thing where old people aren't supposed to bury their young ones or something) for brunch, I didn't even want to share the car with them, and rather have my BFF bring us there. Even when she spoke, I refused to respond to her. That's how angry I was with her.

This is not fair... Not fair at all... All this could've been avoided if they just paid attention...

And don't they dare tell me its God's plan because taking a child away from a parent is the worst plan ever.

I will never believe that. I refuse to believe that!

They love their sons more than they love their daughter, and they have 3 of them! That's even worse! Why can't they give her the same equal love?

This is not God's plan! It's not! It's something that could've been prevented at all cost if they had paid attention to the signs! It is something that could be totally avoided if she were to seek medical help faster. And she has a full clearance access to a no-waiting list medical services in the hospital where when she gets admitted, a team of doctors and nurses will attend to her, no questions asked. So why? WHY??

My dad in law tells us beforehand that we should try to act as normal and not make things worse, but I WANT to make it worse. I want her to suffer! I want to let her know that she will never be forgiven nor forgotten.

I will never forgive her.

NEVER!

Few of my friends say that if I want her to suffer, then let it be. Something will happen and she'll be wishing it never happened and regret what she's done.

Well, I kinda want her to have her karma NOW!

Did you know that most of the abuse she did to her was behind her hubby's back? Her hubby has at least some inkling of concern for her, but she hates her with a passion for no fucking reason. If her hubby knew what she had done, he'd divorce her and take her kids away in a heartbeat.

I hope that day comes

I hope that day comes so fast she won't even have time to react and then she'll be fucking sorry.

For now I am going to make her suffer my own way.

I will not talk to her ever again. Maybe some mild response, but I won't have a full fledge conversation with her. They don't want me to kill her, fine, but lemme have my own satisfaction.


In a way, I can take consolation that she doesn't have to suffer anymore through her sickness and abuse, but still...

It's still so heartbreaking...

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