Friday, April 4, 2014 | By: BlackGargie

7 Awesome Pickup Lines I Learned From Cartoons

From Dan Hopper on

1. Turn Into A Wolf And Howl At Them


A classic move. The "howling" lets the lady know that her physical appearance is pleasing to you, while your new wolf head shows her that you have a WILD SIDE and are also now a wolf.

2. Make An Old Timey "AAAAWOOOOOGAHHH!!!!" Car Horn Noise


What's that old expression about "Women and Cars"? I don't know. There may not be one. But if there were, it'd probably be something along the lines of "Women love old timey car horn noises and will insta-date any living thing that produces them."

3. Have Your Heart Beat Super Loudly Out Of Your Chest


The name of the game is "subtlety," and there's nothing more subtle than having your heart leap out of your chest and make a thumping noise in the direction of your potential romantic interest. She won't know what that pounding, heart-shaped object under your shirt is. A box of chocolates? Your literal heart?? Now you've got so much intrigue you're literally James Bond.

4. Turn Your Eyes Into Hearts And Let Your Tongue Roll Out Like A Carpet


A solid two-pronged attack! Eye-hearts let her know you're interested, but your tongue rolling out of your mouth like a carpet lets her know that you won't come easy! Nothin' wrong with playing a little hard 2 get from time 2 time! ;-)

NOTE: It will be really gross when you roll your tongue back into your mouth.

5. Turn Into A Train Whistle And Shoot Steam Out Of Your Face


The ol' Tuscaloosa Train-Me-Do! Don't attempt this unless you're an advanced pickup artist, but if you can hit the exact, shrill train-whistle pitch that she's looking for, you'll be calmly conversing with her at the bar in NO time!

6. Pull Out A Mallet And Keep Bludgeoning Yourself In The Head With It


Confident. Decisive. Selfless. You can say a lot about yourself with a simple mallet-bludgeoning. Just remember: when you start seeing red, yellow and blue stars floating around you, take a break to shake it off.

7. Let Them Kiss You On The Cheek Then Turn Into A Rocket And Shoot Up Into The Sky And Explode Into Fireworks That Eventually Form "EAT AT JOE'S"


You can thank me at the wedding ;-)