Tuesday, February 21, 2012 | By: BlackGargie

Morning Sickness Bites

Ugh...I'm now into the 8th week (coming to 9) of my pregnancy and no one, definitely NO ONE, told me this part of the first trimester is frickin' HARD~!

Yup, that's right. I'm suffering from the dreaded morning sickness.

It was manageable more or less in the beginning, but as the time progresses on, more and more food started to be rejected from my stomach. Half of what I eat has been regurgitated out and I can tell you straight: puking out half-digested food is no funny business.

At first, digestable foods like bread and noodles were fine. It stayed in my gut and if I eat anything solid than that, like rice or what have you, off to the toilet I go.

Now, even noodles don't work anymore. Even things like cereal also doesn't work anymore! It's like the food I eat just sits there in my stomach being churned and half-digested and doesn't get absorbed. It just sitting there waiting to be expelled outta my gut. In fact, no matter how little I ate, it just gets flushed right out. I've been avoiding eating rice right now and been nibbling on veggies and a bit of meat or whatever it is that's served on the table during meals, but I end up vomiting them out right back up again.

I even ended up vomiting out the entire bowl of dry cereal my hubby tried to make me eat even though it was recommended that it's best for my diet to control morning sickness!

I think I pretty much lost quite a number of weight right now and I am terrified of eating, save maybe some crackers and a sip of juice from time to time. I researched online that it's supposed to go away once I reached past 13 weeks of pregnancy, but if it still persist, I may be experiencing a term (I dunno the scientific name) called "excessive vomiting during pregnancy" and I might end up in the hospital doing IV.

Crap, let's just hope I don't get to that...

But seriously, this really bites...
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 | By: BlackGargie

Here's Jr! Sorta...

Finally went to our doc's appointment today to get an ultrasound. And on Valentine's Day too! Isn't that a cooky coincidence? LOL

I was pretty nervous a few days before my appointment. I was terrified. What if something was wrong? What if it's all a phantom pregnancy after all? What if the docs find nothing in there? What if it didn't grow well? What if it's there, but something went wrong? I even had nightmares twice about losing Jr in a pool of blood, and I wake up scared and breathless and heart pounding like mad, because my dreams have an occasional tendency to be true sometimes.

My chat friends tell me to keep my chin up and think positive, and try to take care of myself the best I can. My hubby said no matter what happens, he will be by my side and support me all the way, even if my worst fear does happen.

So I tried. I tried my best. In the midst of the endless cycle of getting hungry, then puke, then get hungry again, I tried to keep my spirits up. Morning sickness was torture though. They should call it all-day sickness instead, coz I barely could hold down anything, and I couldn't eat too much at a time or I'll just hurl my guts out. I ate very little in the main meals and had super small snacks in between, just to ease the hunger and not make myself puke. I have no idea how bulimics and aneroxics can take it. Hurling half-digested food is NOT a walk in the park.

Finally, when the appointment day came, I was almost praying to myself that I hope everything would be alright and that it would fall into place. I was advised to fill up my bladder and chug lots of water half an hour before the ultrasound to make it easier for them to scan me, but my fear of hurling caused me to not dare to drink as much as I should. The usual weight, temperature and blood pressure check came in, and I was surprised that 2 weeks ago, I was 74kg and now I was 72.5kg! I lost 2.5kg in the past 2 weeks! I guess those bulimics and aneroxics DO have something going on there...

So during the ultrasound scan, after a bit of scanning and not so clear images (and a frickin' cold gel to boot), the doc decided to help me do a vaginal ultrasound instead as it's more intimate and more accurate up close. She said a lot of patients who didn't like this sort of procedure as it was quite intrusive (to the typical conservative Bruneians anyways), but I don't really see anything wrong with it, really. It's just a medical procedure where you have a device up your vagina, and handled by a female doctor, no less. I don't see why they should hate it.

Well, OK, now that I put it, it does sound a little intrusive.

Thank goodness I decided to shave last night during shower. I prolly had a premonition that I was going to get this instead of the normal ultrasound scan. Wouldn't want them to see that "Amazon Jungle" between my legs there. LOL

Anyway, once the scanning device was inside, all my fears were gone. There it was, Jr, the little itty-bitty Jr growing there inside me. She shifted the device a little to bring it closer to Jr and there it was, its little heart beat away. It was so quick! We couldn't hear anything yet, but it was there. Not the usual Da-Dup...Da-Dup...that we're used to hearing on everyone's chest, but it just went Da-Dup-Da-Dup-Da-Dup-Da-Dup non-stop. So fast! I've never seen a heart beat so fast, pulsing away so quickly. It just made my own heart flutter and wanna just squee at the sight of it. My hubby also looked like he was gonna squee right there and then, but settled for chuckling like an idiot instead XD

The doc, after some calculation and finding out my last period, suspected that Jr was conceived roughly between the 30th Dec last year to about 1st or 2nd of Jan this year, give or take 4 or 5 more days in between. Which make Jr technically a new year baby! LOL! Isn't that sweet? And in Chinese culture, I'm carrying a dragon baby now, since this is the year of the dragon and my estimated due date is sometime in Sept this year. Talk about lucky, as they say. Though my imagination seem to fly about, thinking that I'm having a dragon inside me instead of an actual baby. Woah! Wouldn't that be a predicament?

All in all, Jr was a-OK, nestled there nicely and comfy, fully dependent on me to keep it alive and growing, which makes me feel a big responsibility coming up to let it live till term. It'll be quite a challenge ahead, and I know for sure, since I've babysat a number of kids throughout my life, but let's just hope, like everyone says, it'll be worth it.

Anyhow, here's a picture of Jr! Click on the pic to get a full-size view~!

Sunday, February 12, 2012 | By: BlackGargie

Death of a Queen

Holy crap! I just read the news in Facebook!

Whitney Houston is dead!

No, I'm serious!

They said the cause of death was unknown, but they found her dead at her hotel around 8 hours ago, and the Grammys are like gonna happen the next day or something!

This is too much of a coincidence! There has to be foul play!

Why is this happening? Who would do such a thing?! She's only 48, for crying out loud!

She, next to Celine Dion, was the reason I've got good singing lungs! She was one of my mentors!

I can't believe it!

I can't believe...

She's dead...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012 | By: BlackGargie

I Lost It

I just did something that I dunno whether is the right thing or not.

I fought with my 2nd sis in law.

Remember in my previous blog entries about how my 2nd sis in law is really mean to her little girl? Well, she was being mean again today and I lost it.

I shouted at her and told her she was the worst mother ever.

No, maybe not just like that. There's technically more to it than that

I just heard her shouting and screaming and being mean to her little girl, saying things like "Why do you always make me pissed?" "Stop crying! Do you know how spoiled you are!" "Don't give me that!" "I gave birth to you, fed you, clothed you and took you to the hospital when you're sick! Why do you always have to repay me by pissing me off? (What does she want? A fucking trophy from her little girl?)" "Do you hate us? You don't like Mommy and Daddy, is that what you're implying?" "Stop crying over the littlest things!" "You're spoiled, that's what you are! You're spoiled and rotten by both your grandparents!" and I just lost it.

Maybe it's because of my mood swing, maybe I thought I saw my mom in her, or maybe I just couldn't take it anymore. I really yelled at her and started a huge fight. I didn't care that she got upset at me and told me to mind my own business, or that I don't have any kids and I wouldn't understand (I'm going to HAVE kids, bitch!! Is that good enough for you?!) how to raise a kid. She told me to leave it alone, this does not concern me and if I want to cry, go cry to my hubby and don't get involved with their business. I told her that she's living under the same roof now and even if I don't want to, I AM involved in their affairs coz they're doing it right in front of me.

I shouted at her for being so bias, questioned her about her parenting, and asked her if that is all she can see in her little girl, about how spoiled or how evil or how naughty she is, not caring whether she is sick or not. I told her she deserves to be spoiled, she deserves to be pampered, because does she even know how sick she is? I told her that sooner or later she will end up scolding her little girl to death and it would be all her fault, and if she really hates her little girl so much, she might as well let ME have her and be done with it. She told me to keep my voice down and I'm scaring the kids, but I said I don't give a fuck, if that's what it takes for her to get my words into her thick noggin'.

I've never been so angry in my life. I even scared my grandma in law and the kids. It was then in the back of my mind I noticed that even though I was speaking (more like shouting) for the little girl, in the end, she went running for her mom even though she had just scolded her like hell. Why? I couldn't get it. I spoke for her. I said in her defense. Why would she want to seek comfort from the very person who had dissed her? I just don't get it. Is it because she's young and didn't get it, and only saw me as a fierce shouting lunatic? I dunno.

My maid had to call my dad in law to come sort it out. He advised me to go to my room to cool off, so I did, trying to ignore (unsuccessfully) her shouts to get back her and don't try to hide from her (calling her 'Fuck you' as I ran upstairs). I stayed there, crying to myself, feeling sorry for myself, wondering if I did the right thing, if I had been over the top, or letting my mood swing get in the way of things. Or maybe I was still haunted by my mom and seeing my sis in law doing these things to her little girl brought back my demons.

My dad in law came into my room later on after he had a long talk with his daughter. He appreciated my effort and was glad I shouted at her because he knows that she was being mean to her kid, he just doesn't know how to bring it up, and I've given him a chance to give her a proper scolding. But I dunno, I might've made the situation worse, I might make my sis in law hate me even more.

And I felt even bad (though it sounds kinda funny) when my maids told me that my grandma in law was terrified by my outburst and was surprised that I've got such a temper and loud pipes. She even called me a gangster behind my back. Heh. I dunno whether to think of it as a compliment or not.

Somehow, later in the day, the little girl forgot all about my outburst and actually came to our room to want to play with me and my hubby. Of course her mother didnt want to talk to me, so I think she purposely had her son to call her little girl when it's time for her bed, and when I came down for dinner, they've already eaten before us (prolly to avoid me) and when she walks past, she thinks I don't notice it, but I knw she's stealing glares at me.

I heard my dad in law told us at the dinner table about what he talked to her. He told her that he knows she's been really mean and treating her little girl very bias, and it's pretty obvious from the way her eldest and youngest son are so robust and healthy while her little girl is so tiny and thin and frail.

He forced her to stop denying that she's been bias, and warned her that either she fess up and step up her game or he will either take custody of the little girl or have her husband involved and sit them down to lecture them about parenting and he knows she doesn't want her husband to be involved because her husband will get mad at her.

When her husband is mad, there will be hell to pay for her, so she'd rather save her own skin n step up her game and he told her that if she is not happy about us interfering wtih her parenting, better find some place else to lodge in rather than ours so tht we dont hv to see it, because if we see it, we're bound to interfere. She can't afford to lodge in some place else because they have nowhere else to go while their new home is being renovated.

I guess it'll be a while (prolly a long while) for her to finally get in talking grounds with me, or be civil for that matter. But I'm still not confident about her change. She is starting to behave more civilly with her little girl now...but I'll give her a few months before she goes back to her old habits again.

I just wish right now that she and her whole family just move outta this house and to their new home and never make us bother or worry about all this family issue.