Tuesday, August 23, 2011 | By: BlackGargie

The Sister I Never Had

I was chatting with my friend and it got down to talking about my worries of my infertility, then to the topic about my sister Marina who was able to have children and that I should not worry that my mother's reproductive defects would affect me.

I suddenly felt bad for all the lies that I've told her the past 10 years and decided to finally own up. I told her that I haven't been really completely honest with her and I don't really have a sister, and that I'm an only child.

My "sister" was made-up. Marina was actually a sempai I look up to like a sister because of her artistic talents. I used her to escape my true life as a fucked up individual. I wanted to impress my friend, to show that I have a normal life.

Confused?

Well, the thing is, when I first got to know my friend through her younger sister, who is my junior in high school, I saw her and the rest having the perfect family, or so it seems, and that they were allowed to pursue my talents whereas I couldn't. I admit I was jealous, so I used my sempai Marina and made up a family that she'd be impressed with. I told her that my mother is divorced from my dad because my dad was a violent criminal and was sent to jail, and that Marina was my sister and she's estranged to my mom and my mom is remarried to another man.

Drama much? That's how much I wanted to impress her.

Marina Wong was my senior back in high school. She had the talent that I look up to a lot, and she is my inspiration. She had always been the person before that friend of mine to truly understand my life and my talents, and she's like the sister I never had. She was also the one to inspire me to break out from my old drawing routine (my drawing style used to be stocky, blocky Doraemon style) and pursue a more anime look.

Without her, I wouldn't be here today.

I remember admiring her so much that I played truant just to be with her. It got me black-listed and ended up having a super-fight with my mom, but it was all worth it just to be with her, to talk about nothing but arts, to hear her play the piano in her self-taught skills, to watch her draw page after page of beautiful art and helping her with the storyline. We even created our own written language and secret codes so that we can send each other messages without people end up reading it, and it felt almost endearing in a way for her to share this with me. It also almost cost me the relationship of my other friends and almost made an enemy out of them, but Marina was my universe. Nothing else mattered.

Our relationship even progressed to making me almost lesbian, or bi-curious at best, because she was the first girl I've ever kissed on the mouth with tongue action.

Yes, I know. Odd. But who has never done anything crazy once in their life?

Sadly our time wasn't long-lived. I was Form 1 and she was Form 5, meaning she was at her final year in high school. We had a tearful goodbye, a promise to keep in touch, and we still continued talking on the phone till the wee hours of the morning (when my mom is not around or outstation, of course), until she was finally consumed with personal life of her own and our contact got shorter and more distant.

I do wish I could hear from her again. I tried searching her in Facebook, but apparently she's not a FB goer, sadly. Last I heard she was married with a daughter she named after her original manga character Shellagarinne. She used to draw this manga abt figure-skating or something, or some fantasy story I can't remember, and her main character name was Shellagarinne and she actually named her daughter after it.

The even more last I've ever heard of her was her poem posted on the leisure column of the newspaper somehow dictating how her husband was a scumbag and all, and I worry about her marriage and her daughter, but sadly, we no longer in touch since then.

I really wanna meet her again, just this once.

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