Sunday, July 31, 2011 | By: BlackGargie

Gender Equality is for Shits

I found this in Tumblr and I just HAD to share this:

I have been separated from my wife for over a year, though we continue to share a house. We live on separate floors. We share the house because we need to parent our son together, and because we can’t afford to maintain two households.

I’d like to tell you a story, illustrating one reason why I am divorcing her. This is an example of the treatment I have received over the past fourteen years.

This evening, while she was drinking her wine, my estranged wife took exception to the fact that I wanted to talk about how tense she’s been. She said she didn’t want to talk about it.

I left the room (so as to comply with her request).

I went upstairs to use our tiny guest bathroom. She began to yell and throw things around the kitchen, then eventually charged up the stairs and into the bathroom, just as I was finishing and getting ready to leave. She confronted me there, holding her half-full wine glass in her hand. Her voice got louder, her gestures wilder.

She complained that I had upset her by wanting to talk when she had told me she didn’t want to talk. As I began to feel uncomfortable, I said, “You’re saying it’s my fault you can’t express your emotions responsibly like an adult?”

She said, “Yes!! It’s because you want to go off and take a vacation with your girlfriend!” Then she threw the contents of her glass in my face and smashed it against my bare chest.

The results are pictured here.

I stood there, with shattered glass at my feet, glass shards sticking in my skin, bleeding, for five minutes or so. I asked her to move so that I could leave. She waved the broken stem of the glass in the air and said, “Leave!! Who’s stopping you?”

I told her she was standing between me and the door. I felt threatened.

She laughed and said, “You’re 6 foot 3 and 250 pounds! You can’t feel threatened by me!”

I said, “You just broke a glass on my chest and cut me. You’re standing there with the stem in your hands. Yes. I feel threatened.

She said, “No, you don’t.”

I asked her to move out of the way and let me pass. I didn’t want her to think I was pushing her or threatening her.

She held her ground, waved the broken stem and shouted, “Go on! Leave! I’m not stopping you!”

After I asked her repeatedly, she finally moved a bit and I left, carefully stepping over the broken glass.

I have posted this here as evidence, and to help those who may think that size and gender make a difference when abuse is concerned. People who, like my estranged, think some have permission to feel threatened and some don’t.

Abusers come in all sizes and genders.

She and I went to a half dozen therapists over the years. At each initial session, every therapist took a look at me, then at her (5’4” 150 lbs.). Then he or she would gravely ask my wife, “Do you feel safe?”

None ever thought to ask me.

Thanks for listening.

This is the main reason why gender equality is for shits. It is always the case: When a man abuses a wife, people scream bloody murder, but when a woman abuses a husband, it is unheard of and people will think “Oh, well, that man deserved it anyway”

This world is some fucked up shit


Amy the kitty said...

I hate reading things like this. Abuse is wrong on both gender, age or size but things like this remind me on how quick it is to label the 'victim' and 'abuser.'
I use to have a friend, I'll call him Bob here, who use to go out with my friend Mary (not real name, just calling her that here.)
Things went great till one night Mary phoned me and said she needed help. I met up with her and she was covered in blood and small cuts. She said Bob ran at her with a japanese katana blade (he collects them) and did it. She just managed to escape. While she went to her sister's I went to pick up her stuff at Bob's house. Upon greeting me, Bob was covered in bandages all over his back, arms and stomach. Bob said Mary did it to HIM and he was just defending himself. I did notice some cuts and stabs on the back and shoulders were at an angle no-one could get by themselves and the way the arm was slashed it couldn't have been done himself. Looking into it further I asked Mary if I could see her cuts again. Low and behold they were scratches of nails, not a blade, I didn't notice before because I was so worried. Bob did phone the police but they had came over, looked to him then after taking a statement from Mary, they believed her despite evidence that could have been there. All that was done was Mary and Bob were never to see each other again.
Just after that there was a case in our papers about a woman that raped two young boys and she got away with it because a woman can't commit rape in Scotland. Everyone was furious at the woman.
A few days later, Mary was found at her sister's house dead. From Mary's sister's account Bob had kicked the door in, stabbed Mary more times than she could count then ran out. Neighbours also stated they saw Bob break in and then runaway after horrible screaming.
Was Bob arrested? Yes. Was he put on trial? Not really. At the hearing he gave his story again about the abuse she had done to him and how the police didn't believe him. Since everyone was still angry about how a woman got off in that rape case, all sympathy went to Bob and he was never convicted for that murder. The most that was done was he was told to leave our town.
Maybe if the police believed Bob, Mary would still be alive. Maybe if more things were done with the abuse complaint, Bob wouldn't have become a murderer. But the fact that he was abused does not give him the right to take the life of the one that abused him. If our town hadn't just followed the craze of "women CAN abuse and men CAN be the victim" for that moment and had equality for all gender's Bob would have got the punishment he deserved.
I know this story seems to have nothing to do with it, but I thought this really brought to light how the world never seems to be equal. It's either on one side or the other.
My heart greatly goes out to this man stuck in this abusive way.I wish him freedom for this bitch.