Friday, June 3, 2011 | By: BlackGargie

Weight Problems

Had a bit of a talk with my BFF during lunch about my childhood friends who came to visit us on their business trip.

We were talking about my friends and were talking about how my friend Sabrina was the most beautiful of the four of us (we're originally a quartet, if you read my previous entry, but the other one went MIA once she started life in Ireland), and I was commenting that my other friend Jennifer is actually quite pretty by her own right if you look past her slightly chubby extremities and my BFF was saying that no matter how beautiful you are on the inside, people will still judge you from your outward appearances.

He told me that she had confided a little to her about how she was quite the put-off for others because of her weight and she was trying to make something better out of it, doing something about it to help her gain back her confidence and get into people's good graces, and my BFF started asking me whether I'm doing anything about it too.

Which came up to my own weight issues.

I'm roughly between 69 to 73kg, most likely going up back to my old obese weight of 75kg if I don't watch out on my food intake, and my job at the desk is definitely not helping me out very much in terms trying to lose weight since I sit my ass all day staring at the computer, with minor exercise in between, like getting other things for my needs or providing for the office by going up and down the building.

I used to be 55kg until I got my first job which also got me to sit my ass all day, which led to my weight of 75kg in a year's time. Urgh~! Then I managed to lose that weight to get my to 69kg when I worked as a tour guide because it got me walking around up and down with quite minimal food intake in between coz I'll be so damn tired and lack of appetite to eat my usual helping. Now that I'm back in the desk job, the horrors of gaining weight has recurred again.

It's not that I'm trying to make excuses for myself, but when you work all day, you're physically and mentally tired. By the time I get home, it would be about roughly 7, 8pm (no overtime claim available, by the way) and that leaves me about at least 4 hours of me-time, minus dinner and helping out with chores I am barely left with 2, 3 hours of me-time to do my own things like drawing and whatnot, let alone exercise, and the next morning it's another rat race again into the field.

And I always tell myself (and from my hubby's words) that at least I'm eating healthy with my usual intake of vegs and haven't gotten too far as to end up like super obese people who ended walking like they're waddling ducks of sorts. I haven't really had any major health problems so far, and since I'm trying for a baby, I don't really see too much reason why I should go on some super crash diet to convince myself that I can and have the will power to lose weight.

Besides, what is the deal with people about losing weight and slimming down? Nowadays people look down on fat people and think they're lazy son of a guns that will never ever succeed in life and die a horrible death of obese-related disease. They think fat people are ugly and would never consider them part of a so-called 'regular' society. Heck, they don't even make clothes for obese people now and all those thin small clothes for people who don't eat just pressures them and telling that they're fat-asses. And those boutiques who do sell big clothes for the chubbies usually end up going out of business because it just makes the big sized people in denial that they're THAT big.

Back then in the 18th century, chubby women are considered beautiful. Have you actually seen the paintings back then, including Venus and Mona Lisa? They're all pretty chubby and people actually considered them beautiful! Whatever happened to that perception? What happened that make people think that skinny people are beautiful?

Is it thanks to Barbie dolls? Is it thanks to the models nowadays that they use for Playboy or beer commercials? Is it all those unnecessary experiments and studies that tell you that this food is bad and that food is bad and whatnot?

We might as well all be bulimic and aneroxic bastards, trying to slim down for the sake of these superficial materialistic people, puking or shitting our food out so that our bodies can no longer detect the nutrition in it to sustain them. You like thin people, try looking at those who lose weight through unsavoury methods like the bulimics and aneroxics. Is that beauty for you?

I know what they're thinking: "No~! That's not what we meant! We like you thin but we didn't want you to go THAT thin." Well, it's because of their perception that caused these people to go for drastic measures to make themselves thin and perfect to gain their approval, and in the end, ended up just torturing themselves.

Maybe I should just go aneroxic. See if that'll make those who think I'm fat happy...