Saturday, April 30, 2011 | By: BlackGargie

Demotivation Sucks. Big Time

Demotivation sucks.

Big time.

You know why I say that?

Because it's the truth. I have absolutely lost all faith and motivation to work and provide for this company, much less care about its welfare and whatever else problems that they have. And despite the fact that my hubby warned me against defaming anyone, I just have to write it, just won't mention names.

As you can expect, the project is well, or lackthereof, on the way, and when it comes to project, nothing is as easy and simple as it seems as everyone starts getting at each other's throats and backstabbing and basically giving you shit.

As my previous entry about that biatch part-timer, there have been a few incidents that she had totally crossed the line.

Basically after that incident during CNY Eve, we're more or less civil, then after for a few moments, she went off and started her attitude again, and the issue was regarding her CNY pay.

Back then when we still so-called friends, she was complaining to me, accusing the accountant for calculating her pay as 4 full day 2 half day. At the time I asked her, "Are u sure? By right it should be 5 full day 1 half day. You sure you calculated correctly?" but she keeps insisting that the accountant was in the wrong, and also went on to complain that it was not enough to feed her and her family. I reminded her that she was only $100 lower than I am, and that she is a part-timer and she should not complain, but she shot me back on the grounds that I don't have children or a proper family when she had 3 kids to feed and more responsibilities, and if they were to give her an increase, it would be negotiable at best.

So I informed the accountant about this, sort of like an attempt to straighten things out, then somehow that pissed the accountant off as to why she didn't discuss this thing personally with her and have to come from me as 3rd person. Needless to say all hell kinda broke loose in the accountant office as she raged against the biatch about this. Then later on after I left, she went and complained to my BFF saying that I framed her with wrong info, when I'm telling her exactly what she had told me! So much for giving a helping hand!

My BFF had enough of her whining and screwed her through the bone, bringing out all the demons she had been bringing in and burying in this company for the past few months she's been in this company, and she ended up crying (which is probably one of the reasons why I really don't want to have a confrontation with lest I be the bad guy, but then again, now that I think about it, who the fuck cares?), but not sure whether it got through her thick skull or not.

Well, obviously it didn't since later the next day just before I left the office, she start up shit again.

You know when offices has those big staplers for stapling thick files? At that time, the stapler is on my table and I didn't know it was since there was a huge ass big clutter on my table. Of all people, she went and asked my BFF, refusing to ask me to pass to her, obviously having the cold shoulder and silent treatment war against me ever since that incident about her pay. My BFF even asked her to just ask me, but she simply REFUSED to budge, instead she just groaned "Meh~!" and come get herself without even looking at me.

I got so frustrated with her ignorant attitude and I say out loud, "Fine, never mind, if a certain 'someone' doesn't want to confront me, it's fine. If that 'someone' doesn't want to speak to me face to face it's OK, I'm sick of it already" and just left the office and slammed the door.

She was such an asshole bitch! What the fuck was her problem?? I'm just laying low, but so far she has yet to cross my path, because if she did, I'd fuck her till she's dead, I swear!

After I was done chit-chatting with the other part-timer, whom I dub my kismesis, he said after I left the office, she went and grumble to my BFF saying why I'm such an ass, and that one of these days she will get back at me (I was thinking at the time they told me this thing was "You wanna get back at me, get back at me right now! Don't wait until I left the building then she wanna talk big!). She went and blame my BFF for making things worse, when it's her fault to begin with.

Everyone started a sort of a "joint effort" attack against her, ganging up on her saying why is she like this, that she should change her attitude and not trying to make everything like as if she was the tragic victim. Knowing that she was outnumbered, she burst out and suddenly said "Fine, fine, whatevr!" then turned to our site survey guy and said, "Next time you want anything, you just get it straight from her, dont ask me!"

Poor guy who has nothing to do with our dispute also was caught in the argument, and of course he wouldn't want to go down without a fight. I forgot what were the exact words, but basically my kismesis tries to reason with her and shoot her questions that she cannot answer herself, then she tries to change the subject by pin-pointing at my flaws which has nothing to do with her current argument whatsoevr.

You know what was it she complained about?

The way I arrange the stationery.

WTF, man?! What has the stationery anything to do with the current issue?? She said I didn't listen to her and don't want her opinion on arrange the stationery, but the fact of the matter was that I didn't want to take her style because her way of doing it takes up space! And I have a way to make it take less space!! She's really off track and she thinks she can fool people by changing topic? How dense can you get?

And then after tht she start blaming me by bringing back the CNY Eve incident again, saying that me scolding her that day gave her bad karma, and make her lose in gambling during CNY. WTF, WOMAN?! You might as well blame the flat tire or the rain at me!! BITCH!!

My kismesis said that if they really do plan to get rid of her, he don't mind taking over her job, but then it will mean sorting her shit out, and he ask if I'm willing to mend the relationship so that the job transition be better. At first I said yes, but then 10 seconds later, I followed my gut instincts and said to him, "You know what? Fuck it! I'm not gonna mend it even if she begged for it. I gave her so many chances already since after CNY, and she still start up shit, no more, so don't blame me if one day she stepped on my wrong landmine and I end up blowing up at her face, so u guys don't stop me when i bring the house down."

You knw what she said when my BFF tried to reason with her about her cold shoulder attitude towards me? He said "Hey, you knw she never held a grudge on you, she even invited you to her open house during CNY." Her reply was "No, I never receive her invitation." My BFF said "WTF, she send email to everybody, I even got evidence, that she send email and cc to everybody." She insisted "No, I never received it. I went because you asked me to."

What a bitch, man! That means she just came for the food only! She wasn't even sincere at all! You want me to print out the email for you and show you the list of emails I sent to?? She better not try to test the waters on me. I was up to this point of tolerance, and I'm a fucking land mine around her right now, and one more slip up and she is gonna get it, man. I told my BFF and my kismesis that my outburst that day was only just a taste of my anger; she hasn't bitten off more than she could chew yet, and my BFF laughed and said, "Well, bon appetit to her!"

Friends that I have ranted to about the biatch say my office is so dramatic, I could make a TV series out of all this drama. I'm not surprised that it's this attitude that caused her to never land a steady job in the first place. I hated her so much at that point that I really wanna throw her out of the window!! Seriously, so childish. I don't wanna be pissed with her, but she wanna be pissed at me, hold grudge like it's out of fashion. Shit!

I'd love drama, but not this kind of drama, thank you very much.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh~! I'm really sick and tired of her. Why can't the big shots make up their mind and just boot her out the door?? The supers and big shots have been around these few months, and they have already seen how my BFF screwed her to the bone, and hear SO MANY complaints frm everyone else, yet they still don't do anything. In fact, her termination request by my BFF had been revoked and given her another chance, then it was decided that she was supposed to be given the boot by end of April, yet she's still here, as if her ass belongs on that chair forever! What the hell??

I dunno what is going through our big shot's head, or is he even listening or noticing at all anything that is going through his noggin'!

And then there is also the accountant.

Not only I have to put up shit with incompetent people, I had to put up shit with unreasonable people.

Just the day before yesterday, my accountant was being unreasonable, complaining why I haven't ordered ink cartridge for the main printer coz she can't do her printing, when there is another printer that she could've just rerouted the document to to print it, and when I tried to tell her why hasn't the ink cartridge arrived sooner I told her, "Wait just a sec and listen to me..." she keeps cutting in n said "No, no, no! I wont hear of it!"

I told her "Bitch, listen, I faxed the order on Friday as soon as our super approved the order, they didn't receive it so I faxed it again on Saturday because it was almost closing hours on Friday, but Saturday is half-day, so who is going to be the one to stay in the office n collect the cartridge? You??"

She shot me back and said "Well, that's YOUR fault. You should've confirmed with them earlier if they received the fax" and just stomped off to her office.

I had the right mind to just slap her if the super wasn't there, and during lunch I was so angry when I complained it to my BFF and kismesis that I actually punched the wall.

I was really angry, not only she backstabs people, she tries to save her own skin as much as possible, and this wasn't the first time she had gotten into my skin.

There had been an incident where I quoted the wrong price to a client, and when she found out, she insisted that she had given me a copy of the new price of the items when there is not a single proof on my table whether it is there or not, and she had no backup claims to say that she actually gave it to me, and insisted that this whole deal was MY FAULT. But then when I was willing to take the blame and ask her to deduct it from my salary whatever we have lost, she quickly changed her tone in front of everyone and said "No~ We're not blaming you, we're just..blablabla..."

Not blaming me?? Do you want me to quote word for word what EXACTLY did you say to me in the morning about everything being MY FAULT?? Do you??

Just last week she got me into trouble bcoz of her own faulty instructions. She told me to make a new invoice with new dates and everything, and I even asked her twice to confirm it and even let her double-check my work, n she was the one to give the green light.

Then it turns out my super requested only a change of date, no need for a whole new invoice, and when the super confronted her with it, she said "Oh yes, sir, that's exactly what I instructed her to do!" I said "No, she instructed me differently n i was following exactly her instructions, and I even let you check, which you were the one who gave me the green light", in which she quickly turned around and said "Nuuuuu~ I never said that~ What I said was...bla bla bla..." and ended up I still get the blame anyways.

With all this shit that's been going on that I have to put up with as well as the pressure and the stress as the project has kicked into highest gear...It's just totally not worth the money and time and effort for me to take this project seriously and put it as my priority.

I just...can't do this anymore...

The Thing About Crying

People tend to say that I'm a happy-go-lucky person, that I laugh and joke a lot and don't have the cares or troubles of the world.

That I am oblivious to all that is negative and unholy or whatnot that they wish to put their dark thoughts to it and that my innocence is better off with it.

And they said I never get mad, or cry, not once.

That's not quite true.

I do get mad, but you just haven't seen how mad I can be without looking at me face to face. And those who have seen me actually mad as hell sure knows not to mess with me when the topic is something that should not be messed around with around me.

And I do cry. Just not in front of you.

My life with my mother has taught me that crying was not going to get me anywhere. No one will rescue me by just crying. And because I often have to cover her ass and not let anyone know that the perfect good ol' Mom was actually an abusive psycho bitch, I often laughed away my pains, putting up a happy front, telling others that everything is OK. Everything was fine. Everything will turn out alright in the end.

I laughed and smiled so much that I forgot how it feels to cry.

I eventually forgotten how to cry.

I only would cry if the beatings and punishments were taking its tolls on me, or to try and gain at least a bit of humane sympathy from my cold-hearted bitch of a mother, and those tears never really last long because one part of me knew that the tears are not going to help either way. Other times, I wouldn't, or couldn't, be able to cry even if I wanted to.

I had to rely on listening to sad songs or reading sad stories or watching sob movies on the telly to help me cry. To help find that place that was buried deep inside me, hurt and alone and dejected and abused, and let it all out to make me feel better.

And when I start crying over something, I cannot stop until I've cried for at least a good 10 minutes.

That's how bad I needed to let myself go at that time.

Now that I'm no longer in that nightmare of a hellish life and with my hubby, I savour every chance I get to cry.

No, I still don't cry in front of my friends. My smiles still stayed on.

Because my tears are reserved for my hubby for him to comfort and ease my pain, and allow me to let it out without judging me.

To have him cuddle me in his arms while I sob out my sorrows and pain and insecurities was one of the best feelings and the main reason why it was worth crying.
Friday, April 15, 2011 | By: BlackGargie


This is a video I made for an RP audition in YouTube called The Archives of Utopia. And guess what??

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I made it~!!!!! I made it into the audition~!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, April 10, 2011 | By: BlackGargie

I Feel So Loved~

Last week, I received a notification slip from the post office that a package sent by my friend that I have been waiting since...what, last month (?) has finally arrived and I was to go and collect it. I was ecstatic as this was the very first time I have ever gotten anything from anyone from overseas, let alone a gift from a fan! XD

When I went to the post office to retrieve my package, apparently due to security concerns of Brunei, I had to open it up in front of the postal workers to make sure that I wasn't getting bombs or drugs into the country. Geez~! The whole point of getting a present from someone is to get it from the post, bring it home, take the time to open it and enjoy the surprise, but no~! They had to be so damn paranoid that they had to spoil my surprise~! DX

Neways, that said and done, I brought my lovely present home, marvelling at the pretty-looking bubble envelope she used to send the mail and the bracelet, then read the letter...

Which then revealed this AH-MAH-ZING doodles at the back~ X3

And here comes the creme de la creme, creme of the crop, the bracelet!

Isn't it precious~? Apparently the white ones are glow-in-the-dark, which I actually tested it! LOL! Soooooooooo cute~! It's exactly like the star candies that were fed to the little soot monsters in Spirited Away~!

Fits perfectly on me~! X3


I've been reading and rereading the letter over and over again, loving the drawing and details, and I plan to laminate the letter to immortalize it forevah~!

Thanks,~! I'll reply your letter and return the favour ASAP~! Mua mua~! ^3^

Francophonie Week Art Exhibition

After having lunch downtown, we decided to check out the art exhibition that was at the Sultan Birthday Monument that was created in conjunction with the Francophonie Week courtesy of the big guys from France. We were curious as to what sort of amazing art that may be created by our Brunei's finest, and, well...

This be the banner for the Francophonie Week Art Exhibition

Well, some pledge they're making. You're 5 fingers short of being the Five Finger Mountain XD

This one is pretty good. Melted and twisted bottles combined together to make a contemporary art for a cause, which is actually a pretty intriguing design right there, though unfortunately I doubt it resembles tears or whatever

Apparently being trapped like a rat (or in this case a bird) can give you inner peace -_-;;

Not exactly the best interpretation of volunteerism really, more like slapstick art of no meaning...

Apparently the art was more focused on the chair rather than the graffiti itself, and I like the latter better than the former

Yup, that definitely is something unbalanced going on there XD

Series #2 doesn't look too unbalance though, looks just nice in an artistic way

No~ idea what the heck is this supposed to mean -_-'''

Well, someone seemed to have outstayed their "welcome" XDDDD

Is it supposed to mean "Work Hard, Work Smart" or "World Hard, Work Smart"? Because by the way the artwork is displayed, it looks more like a comparison that means the former

Loooooooooooks more like a scarecrow than anything, but kudos for effort

The artistic value and view of our Brunei's finest...?

Monday, April 4, 2011 | By: BlackGargie

I Won!! I WON!!!

Total awesome sauce~!

A few months ago, I created an art for a Masque of the Red Death contest hosted in dA, and when I checked the results today, guess what??

I won~!!! First place in fact!!

Well, even though the prize is 3 free sketches from the organizer and I tied with 2 other people, but still!



This calls for a celebration~!!

My Post-Wedding Party

After wondering and pondering for some time, I decided to post my post-wedding party that I had done in my hometown for the sake of those who couldn't show up at my actual wedding in Brunei.

Sadly, of all the gajillion friends I have invited, only a couple were able to show up in my party, and one of them was because of by chance he was available at my hometown because of the school hols (he's a teacher).

Here are some photo footage of us:

Me and my A-Level junior schoolmate, the teacher who managed to make it for the party. It's been almost close to 10 years since we last met after I graduated from A-Levels. Gotta admit that he was a little round around the edges, but then again, the same thing could be said about me ^^;; I was surprised though that he had taken up a teacher's position, because he took a Science major back during A-Levels and he wanted to become a forensics coroner or something, but then again, maybe he was influenced by CSI at the time during the big CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (Las Vegas version) hype back then. LOL!

Me and my childhood friend/bridesmaid, who wouldn't miss this for the world. Back then I used to be damn thin compared to her. Now we;re pretty much in comparable size with each other. LOL! BFF ftw~!

Piccies with my in-law and my family. From left to right: My dad-in-law, my dad, me and my mom-in-law. From bottom left to right: My family friend and my godmother, whom I love so much more than my own mother

Piccies of me and my hubby's extended family. I totally forgot who is who, but they were basically mostly related to my mother-in-law

Final few piccies with my friends, with my hubby tagging along

The whole King family (me included, since now I'm officially a Mrs. King as well) on the "royal" seat under the "royal" emblem. LOL! Pun!

It's quite the small gathering, and there wasn't much karaoke-ing going about, except to embarrass ourselves to others by showing footages of the wedding ceremony and reception, but nevertheless it was still a pretty successful party all in all.