Monday, September 6, 2010 | By: BlackGargie

Rub It In, Why Don't You?

I hate it when people rub it in when you know you're in the wrong.

Yesterday, I made a bit of a screw-up for not following up on a certain project that required me to make an order for our suppliers. Our super was there and he found out my screw-up but didn't blow off the top about it and taught us how to salvage the situation.

Of course, one mistake reflects the office in its entirety, so I know I made a mistake.

My accountant/colleague, who is in charge of the project alongside with me, lectured me on the importance of following up, in which I just took it in quietly even though I was feeling a little upset that she was making my bad feeling even worse.

Ah, well, human nature. Even though we did something wrong, we still don't like to be lectured coz we don't like to feel worse than it already is.

But that's not the gist of it.

This morning, I was called in by her to listen a further extended version of yesterday's lecture, and I took it in gracefully, no hard feelings, though not exactly a good way to start my day by bringing back past mistakes.

Then when she was conversating with my best friend and my other colleague, she brought the subject up to them and incited them to call me into the office to again lecture me about it (well, not really lecture per se, but still).

That was the problem.

I'm not trying to make a big deal out of a small issue, but seriously, at that moment, I felt kinda betrayed. It's like, whatever was discussed between us was supposed to be in confidence and just between us. I dunno why she had to mention it again to the others when we've already talked about this and it is over and done with. It's really rubbing it in.

I already feel bad about the whole thing and would just want to get this issue over and done with and move on. But this...this is just unacceptable. Hearing an extended version of yesterday's lecture that should've been over and done with was one thing, but to tell everyone else about my mistake and incite them to give me advice that I've already grudgingly listened to and just rubbing it in was just plain...not good.

I called my hubby to grumble about it and he told me to put up with it and chalk it up to experience, and try to slightly distance myself from her and just keep things professional. I understand that, but still, I feel a little violated, like my privacy exposed to be rubbed in with more dirt.

Sometimes I miss my unemployed life where I don't have to deal with all this shit, but then I'd be broke, and it's a win-lose situation. I sometimes even wonder if I were actually suited for this job, that probably I rushed into this just because I was desperate to get away from working under my 2nd sis-in-law's thumb.

I'm right now eating carrot cake courtesy of our lady boss's advance birthday as comfort food to make me feel better, though I wish it were chocolate instead. Maybe I'll make myself a hot chocolate later on.

Fuck diet. I have just been betrayed of confidence and trust. Leave me be.