Sunday, August 1, 2010 | By: BlackGargie

A Night of Confirmation

On Friday, I went with my hubby to attend Confirmation Class. He was baptized but not confirmed and in order to get us eligible to marry, he has to take the class all the way until our wedding day where he will be officially confirmed, so most likely our wedding ceremony at the church will be a double whammy. To be honest, I didn't want to go, but it was under recommendation of the Sister and also my hubby giving me the guilt trip that I had to comply. Meh~! Things I do for love.

The class was held in the church library, and while waiting for the Sister to come in, I browsed around at the children's section of the area. It was soooooooooo bloody cold in there with the air-conditioning, and apparently the other person who was supposed to attend the confirmation class along with him was a no-show again like last week and/or they chickened out. Poor hubby of mine! He must've felt rather cornered being only the centre of focus for that class previously.

When she came in, she introduced herself to me and asked me the usual stuff, like which church I go to and when was the last time I went to church. Standard procedures, which I answered accordingly. She lent me a Cathecism book so that I could more or less participate in the class, even though I'm probably there just to show my support.

The biblical stories that she told in between the teachings was pretty much familiar in a sense (although my hubby admitted it was fuzzy and hazy to him since he had not heard those stories in a while), but there are definite obvious differences between our beliefs of a Catholic vs a Protestant. For starters, they do believe in God the Almighty and Jesus the Son of God, but they tend to worship more on Holy Mary because they believe that if it weren't for Her, Jesus would not have been there to preach the word, or something like that of my understanding. I flipped through the book while the Sister taught my hubby and I noticed that there were so many rules to be applied in the life as a Catholic Christian, and again, another issue that really struck and pulled at my heartstrings were the ones about same sex love and stuff. I mean, if God created man and woman, who is to say that He did not create gays and lesbians, especially the ones who are actually born with the feeling that they are in a gender they don't belong or born with that sort of feelings? If they are born with that sort, wouldn't it be subsequently true that God has given them this sort of feeling, since He was the one who created them?

Again, seeing those rules, those bloody man-made rules, I was this close into calling them "fucking homo-phobes". It's because of people like them, they will never find true love.

After the class, we were toured around the church itself and I realized there were really a lot of rituals (and they were a lot stricter and more routines than us Protestants) to be done in the Church. For instance, we have to dip into the Holy Water before entering, once entered, we must kneel once before the Jesus portrait at the altar, then we were shown the confession box (though Sister sort of trying to hint me to convert to Catholic when I asked whether a non-Catholic can go inside and confess) and the baptism pool. Then we were shown a room in which the Sister claims that you can really feel the presence of Jesus in there, and she said she would let us enter and let us have a few minutes with Jesus. When we entered, it was basically a sort of altar room in which in front there was this ancient-looking box that possibly contains holy relics or something, a huge open bible and the statue of Mary and Jesus.

When I was in there, I had suddenly the overwhelming urge to cry. I'm not sure whether it's because I was easily influenced by the Sister's words or that it was psychological or that I am REALLY feeling Jesus' presence, but I just suddenly felt like crying. Maybe it's because after being baptized myself and putting my full trust in God to run my life, it had never changed to be any better and I had to suffer for so long before I was given my hubby to rescue me from that life. I cried and prayed to God that I thank Him for giving me my hubby, but why is it that it took Him so long? Why is it that I suffered so much and so long before that? Is it because I was bad? Is it because I have sinned so much in the past that He saw it fit for me to pay for it through suffering my mother's wrath until I am finally worthy to be saved? Those were questions that would never be answered, and I'm no longer sure if I'm willing to surrender myself again like I did back then.

We toured around again and saw a statue of Holy Mary with a snake stepped under her feet, which was weird, because the scripture as I know it, said that Jesus would be the one to do so, but I don't dare to question it. The red little candle cylinders you often see in the movies where you have to manually light the candles in it was not what I saw there; it was replaced with technology, meaning a red cylinder with a auto-flicker light bulb in it. And all around the area, there were a few other pictures and statuettes of Holy Mary, including a big one outside the entrance, and before you leave you have to bow at the Jesus portrait once again.

Something clicked when I remembered the Sister talked about God creating Heaven and Earth, and mentioning that Hell was far from His brilliant plan because He loved all creations and would never sought for men's downfall, and that Hell was created due to the fact that Lucifer a.k.a. Satan a.k.a. The Devil betrayed God by being prideful and wanting to be worship at the same level as God because of being the most perfect creation of Angels God had ever made, even for a Seraphim, and started a rebellion against those who took the side of God lead by Michael the Archangel.

Somehow it got me thinking (and I hope I don't get struck by lightning for thinking this way): If God is Almighty and All-Knowing and All-Seeing, and that everything He did was according to plan and yet Hell was not part of his plan, then He's not exactly THAT All-Seeing and All-Knowing, isn't He? I mean, if that were true, He would've forseen Lucifer's betrayal and be over and done with him with just one word, one gesture. Hell would never have existed and everything would've been hunky-dory fine, wouldn't it? Heaven wouldn't be in this mess in the first place, and we wouldn't have ended up with demons fighting against angels and poor little fallen angels that were doomed to roam around earth throughout eternity because they were on the fence in the war, right?

Then after that it got me thinking that I can't help feeling sorry for Lucifer. I mean, sure, he got cocky and started a war and now has created Hell and all that, but I feel slightly bad for him. You see, God has given us unlimited free will and even the choice to sin, and as long as we say sorry and repent, he will forgive us and take us in. We are allowed to indulge in the 7 Deadly Sins and it's a matter of whether we learn from our mistakes or we burn forever for it. But angels are expected to be perfect. They are not allowed to indulge in the 7 Sins because they are created as the perfect beings and would not be allowed to be any less than us mortal creatures that God so love. It's a black and white for them and once they've sinned and did wrong, that's it. They're doomed for life. No any amount of repentance would ever enough to bring them back to God's graces, but for us, one simple sorry would do.

That's why I feel sorry for Lucifer, because deep down inside, he MUST have felt sorry at one point for what he did and wanted to get back to God's graces but could no longer do so because he was already doomed for life the moment he indulged in Pride and started the war, and now was bound to govern the depths of Hell and tempt us to his world so that he would have at least some sort of control and receive the worship he wanted, though not as much as he had hoped for, and behaving that way like a scorned little child who wants to regain the attention of his parents.

I told that to my friend and he joked that I might end up actually getting a visit from Lucifer and receive a hug for understanding his plight XD

Let's hope it wouldn't come to that. That'll be utterly scary... -_-'''