Sunday, August 8, 2010 | By: BlackGargie

Love Dilemma~!!!

Kuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!!!! I'm in a love dilemma right now~!!!

Before you get any wrong ideas, it's not what you think it is.

Well, if you actually read my previous journal, I have finally gotten my JSN manga-s that I've ordered through my friend back in my hometown, and I have been peeling the seals one by one and enjoying it one by one, savouring the moment of the manga and characters that have once been part of my life.

Then I saw him.

The man that captured my heart.

The man that I have been yearning for throughout my growing up.

The man I fell for but could never have.

My beloved Katsuya Kimura.

Gah! I know! I know! It's weird for me too! But I couldn't help it! Ever since I saw him when I bought my first volume (though technically I bought Vol #3 coz they didn't have Vol #1), I fell head over heels over this bad rebel boy!

I didn't care that in the manga, he's technically a 5th grade 11-year-old student (pedo much?). All I knew was that he was the ideal man for me, and it totally made me so undecided whether which guy is the best: Misbun or Katsuya? Katsuya or Misbun?

He was my fantasy boyfriend of all time. Seriously, aside from Misbun (who will always be my number 1), he was the next person that I totally fell in love with. Gah~!!! I couldn't help it~!!!

And now that I saw him again after so many years, my old flame was rekindled, and I am totally in a dilemma~!! In fact, I even felt the urge to kiss him whenever his screen time is out!!

Asking my hubby to change his hairstyle and make him look like him was not helping either, coz my hubby scowled and didn't want to talk to me for almost half an hour after the fact TT_TT

Gah~!! KATSUYA KIMURA, I LOVE YOU~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, August 6, 2010 | By: BlackGargie

Jigoku Sensei Nube FTW~!!!

Wohoo~! I am so bloody ecstatic right now~!!!

Why, you ask?

Because I finally got a full set collection of Jigoku Sensei Nube from start to finish~!!!

Jigoku Sensei Nube has always been a very big childhood manga of mine since I first read the pilot chapter in Shounen JUMP magazine Taiwan edition when I was in 3rd grade. A few years later after the fact, I found the first 10 volumes selling at a convenient store when I went back to Taiwan for the hols and I always jumped to the chance to run grocery errands because I know whatever change I get from grocery will be my reward to buy one of them. But not even a week of buying (and I only got 3 since I was only allowed to buy one at a time), they took it off the shelf (no idea why), and I was left in the dark since.

Then I discovered the joys of reading and renting comic books from comic book rental shops, and managed to catch up on my missed volumes (it's also where I discovered the joy of reading yaoi doujins XD), and I had a friend who lives nearby probably the only comic store that actually sells Jigoku Sensei Nube mangas, so I always buy it through her (which I usually never pay back ;p )

When I moved to my university, I had no choice but to give it away because of the luggage load (of course I managed to convince my mom to keep the Sidek Bros comics under a friend's care), and I never heard from it ever again.

Moving into Brunei, I found probably the only comic rental shop in the entire country, and soon JSN came in mind and I quickly took the chance to ask if they do delivery orders, but unfortunately their price was bloody high (fucking Brunei Dollars $120 for a deposit!!)

I almost gave up hope and thought it will no longer be in my grasp until I had to stay back in my hometown and prolong the trip because I need to get certain proper documentation for my civil marriage to come through, so I was hanging out with my best bud/upcoming bridesmaid at a nearby comic rental shop (buying some delicious yaoi manga in the process) and tried my luck in asking whether they do delivery orders, since my friend is willing to help me pay and receive it for me first and get my payment later. They said they do.

Do you know how much they charge for deposit?

$20 friggin Malaysian dollars! That's about $10 Brunei Dollars after conversion!!

Damn! I swear I was the most eager person in the entire world!!

And now, after waiting for almost 6 months, they're here! They're finally here! A bit of a snag in between when my friend said she couldn't pay since she was broke, so I had to liason with one of my hubby's cousin who goes back and forth from Brunei to my hometown frequently (it's a 6 hour drive in between), in which I pass him the money so he could pass it to her, then he gets the books for me.

Yesterday, I asked him whether is he coming down to Brunei or not because I was wondering how the books were doing, and he told me he had left it in his home here in Brunei and I can go get it anytime I want. So the first thing after I got off work, I begged my hubby to take me there to get it.

And now, after long last, it's finally with me~!! Yayy~!! Awesome-tastic~!!

I'm gonna savour the moment opening and reading it one by one now~!
Sunday, August 1, 2010 | By: BlackGargie

A Night of Confirmation

On Friday, I went with my hubby to attend Confirmation Class. He was baptized but not confirmed and in order to get us eligible to marry, he has to take the class all the way until our wedding day where he will be officially confirmed, so most likely our wedding ceremony at the church will be a double whammy. To be honest, I didn't want to go, but it was under recommendation of the Sister and also my hubby giving me the guilt trip that I had to comply. Meh~! Things I do for love.

The class was held in the church library, and while waiting for the Sister to come in, I browsed around at the children's section of the area. It was soooooooooo bloody cold in there with the air-conditioning, and apparently the other person who was supposed to attend the confirmation class along with him was a no-show again like last week and/or they chickened out. Poor hubby of mine! He must've felt rather cornered being only the centre of focus for that class previously.

When she came in, she introduced herself to me and asked me the usual stuff, like which church I go to and when was the last time I went to church. Standard procedures, which I answered accordingly. She lent me a Cathecism book so that I could more or less participate in the class, even though I'm probably there just to show my support.

The biblical stories that she told in between the teachings was pretty much familiar in a sense (although my hubby admitted it was fuzzy and hazy to him since he had not heard those stories in a while), but there are definite obvious differences between our beliefs of a Catholic vs a Protestant. For starters, they do believe in God the Almighty and Jesus the Son of God, but they tend to worship more on Holy Mary because they believe that if it weren't for Her, Jesus would not have been there to preach the word, or something like that of my understanding. I flipped through the book while the Sister taught my hubby and I noticed that there were so many rules to be applied in the life as a Catholic Christian, and again, another issue that really struck and pulled at my heartstrings were the ones about same sex love and stuff. I mean, if God created man and woman, who is to say that He did not create gays and lesbians, especially the ones who are actually born with the feeling that they are in a gender they don't belong or born with that sort of feelings? If they are born with that sort, wouldn't it be subsequently true that God has given them this sort of feeling, since He was the one who created them?

Again, seeing those rules, those bloody man-made rules, I was this close into calling them "fucking homo-phobes". It's because of people like them, they will never find true love.

After the class, we were toured around the church itself and I realized there were really a lot of rituals (and they were a lot stricter and more routines than us Protestants) to be done in the Church. For instance, we have to dip into the Holy Water before entering, once entered, we must kneel once before the Jesus portrait at the altar, then we were shown the confession box (though Sister sort of trying to hint me to convert to Catholic when I asked whether a non-Catholic can go inside and confess) and the baptism pool. Then we were shown a room in which the Sister claims that you can really feel the presence of Jesus in there, and she said she would let us enter and let us have a few minutes with Jesus. When we entered, it was basically a sort of altar room in which in front there was this ancient-looking box that possibly contains holy relics or something, a huge open bible and the statue of Mary and Jesus.

When I was in there, I had suddenly the overwhelming urge to cry. I'm not sure whether it's because I was easily influenced by the Sister's words or that it was psychological or that I am REALLY feeling Jesus' presence, but I just suddenly felt like crying. Maybe it's because after being baptized myself and putting my full trust in God to run my life, it had never changed to be any better and I had to suffer for so long before I was given my hubby to rescue me from that life. I cried and prayed to God that I thank Him for giving me my hubby, but why is it that it took Him so long? Why is it that I suffered so much and so long before that? Is it because I was bad? Is it because I have sinned so much in the past that He saw it fit for me to pay for it through suffering my mother's wrath until I am finally worthy to be saved? Those were questions that would never be answered, and I'm no longer sure if I'm willing to surrender myself again like I did back then.

We toured around again and saw a statue of Holy Mary with a snake stepped under her feet, which was weird, because the scripture as I know it, said that Jesus would be the one to do so, but I don't dare to question it. The red little candle cylinders you often see in the movies where you have to manually light the candles in it was not what I saw there; it was replaced with technology, meaning a red cylinder with a auto-flicker light bulb in it. And all around the area, there were a few other pictures and statuettes of Holy Mary, including a big one outside the entrance, and before you leave you have to bow at the Jesus portrait once again.

Something clicked when I remembered the Sister talked about God creating Heaven and Earth, and mentioning that Hell was far from His brilliant plan because He loved all creations and would never sought for men's downfall, and that Hell was created due to the fact that Lucifer a.k.a. Satan a.k.a. The Devil betrayed God by being prideful and wanting to be worship at the same level as God because of being the most perfect creation of Angels God had ever made, even for a Seraphim, and started a rebellion against those who took the side of God lead by Michael the Archangel.

Somehow it got me thinking (and I hope I don't get struck by lightning for thinking this way): If God is Almighty and All-Knowing and All-Seeing, and that everything He did was according to plan and yet Hell was not part of his plan, then He's not exactly THAT All-Seeing and All-Knowing, isn't He? I mean, if that were true, He would've forseen Lucifer's betrayal and be over and done with him with just one word, one gesture. Hell would never have existed and everything would've been hunky-dory fine, wouldn't it? Heaven wouldn't be in this mess in the first place, and we wouldn't have ended up with demons fighting against angels and poor little fallen angels that were doomed to roam around earth throughout eternity because they were on the fence in the war, right?

Then after that it got me thinking that I can't help feeling sorry for Lucifer. I mean, sure, he got cocky and started a war and now has created Hell and all that, but I feel slightly bad for him. You see, God has given us unlimited free will and even the choice to sin, and as long as we say sorry and repent, he will forgive us and take us in. We are allowed to indulge in the 7 Deadly Sins and it's a matter of whether we learn from our mistakes or we burn forever for it. But angels are expected to be perfect. They are not allowed to indulge in the 7 Sins because they are created as the perfect beings and would not be allowed to be any less than us mortal creatures that God so love. It's a black and white for them and once they've sinned and did wrong, that's it. They're doomed for life. No any amount of repentance would ever enough to bring them back to God's graces, but for us, one simple sorry would do.

That's why I feel sorry for Lucifer, because deep down inside, he MUST have felt sorry at one point for what he did and wanted to get back to God's graces but could no longer do so because he was already doomed for life the moment he indulged in Pride and started the war, and now was bound to govern the depths of Hell and tempt us to his world so that he would have at least some sort of control and receive the worship he wanted, though not as much as he had hoped for, and behaving that way like a scorned little child who wants to regain the attention of his parents.

I told that to my friend and he joked that I might end up actually getting a visit from Lucifer and receive a hug for understanding his plight XD

Let's hope it wouldn't come to that. That'll be utterly scary... -_-'''