Saturday, September 19, 2009 | By: BlackGargie

Beautiful Lady Jokes

Guides - Beautiful Lady = BL

Workaholic Roomate = WR

Ugly Roomate = UR

Innocent Roomate = IR

WR: *sighs* It's been 5 years since I broke up wif my ex. His image is still a little blur to me

BL: *sighs* Same here. Sometimes I can't even remember how exactly does he look like

WR: How many years since you broke up?

BL: *looks at clock* Half an hour ago

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UR: Sometimes I feel a sudden rush of depression these days. You know how to get rid of it?

BL: Try falling in love. Love is always the best medicine

UR: What about marriage?

BL: Please don't overdose

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IR: I can't sleep with lights!

WR: Well I can't sleep without light!

BL: I can't sleep without men!

WR: *looks outside* You just woke up the whole damn neighbourhood of men...

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Landlord: Time for rent!

BL: *hides n keeps quiet*

Landlord: I know you're home

BL: *remains quiet*

Landlord: Every husband in the neighbourhood is with their wives today

BL: *groans n pays rent*

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Landlord: Time for rent! And if you can't pay you'll have to pack up n leave

BL: *shouts out loud* Guys! I'm leaving!

5 men (showed up outta nowhere): *digging their wallets* How much? I'll pay!

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UR: How's the current economy status?

WR: *points to BL* Ask her

UR: But she's not an economist!
WR: True, but she can tell from her gifts she get from men the economy status

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WR: Who's that waiting down there in a tux?

BL: He's been trying to woo me for 3 days now. His dad's the executive manager of a jewelry company and owns 3 other businesses in England and 2 more in China

WR: Then what are you waiting for??

BL: I'm thinking whether I should be his stepmother

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WR: The economy is more and more worse. Ppl r looking for second jobs to cope with the expenses. What about you?

BL: The same. I'm looking for men with two jobs

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BL: I am born to be every man's lover. But I'm a new age lover: I only require men's love, not their money

WR: So how do you support yourself?

BL: Through their wives' request for separation fee

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BL: I dug deep into my pockets to publish 2000 copies of my novel of my love affair with 10 married men. First day of sales n I sold them all out

IR: Wow! That's amazing! How did you do it?

BL: Those 10 idiots bought 200 copies each

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WR: You go around flirting and taking advantage of men, and hv overly high maintenance. Why can't you get rid of that stereotypical attitude and be a modern woman? You are a shame to all women

BL: I don't mind, as long as I'm the pride of all men

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BL: Come shopping with me

IR: I thought u always ask some guy to go shopping with you

BL: Can't. Their wives all wanted to go out shopping

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At the cinema...

Man #1: Get me a seat with a clear view

Man #2: A seat with a clear view, please

Man #3: A seat with a clear view

BL: A seat with a clear view of me

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BL: Hello there. Doesn't your father usually come over to collect the rent?

Landlord's son: It can't be helped. He's getting old

BL: Too old for money-collecting?

Landlord's son: Too old for women-watching

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BL: Can you delay the rent for a few more days?

Landlord: Sure, just come closer

UR: What about me?

Landlord: Sure, just stay away

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BL: Love is lethal. When you can't get men to notice you at first sight, you're dead

IR: What if a man doesn't notice you at first sight?

BL: Hurry up and get another man to do so

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BL: *receiving a string of calls* Hello, Jerry, dinner on Friday? No problem. Hello, Andy, shopping on Saturday? No problem. Hello, Vincent, hot springs on Sunday? No problem.

WR: *thinks* If my business is as hot as her, I'd have no problem

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UR: If one day I get married, will you seduce my husband?

BL: Goodness, dear, we've been friends for so long. How could you not trust me?

UR: I'm just a little worried

BL: If you don't trust my character, at least you should trust my taste

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Waiter: Ma'am, please pay the check. We're closing

BL: Is there no men willing to pay my tab?

Waiter: Sorry, ma'am. Not a single one

BL: *thinking* I'm definitely not coming back to this gay restaurant

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WR: Experts say that every 3 people, one of them is a working woman. I just don't understand why you choose to remain unemployed

BL: What do you know? I'm one of the reasons why the other 2 men is working their asses off

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BL: How much do you actually have?

Man: How much do you actually worth?

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BL: I plan to dump this man

IR: OMG, that man is gorgeous! Why? Are you bored of him?

BL: All my friends are bored of him

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UR: What's the pros of getting married?

BL: It trains your memory

UR: How so?

BL: You'll thinking back your single days

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BL: Have you seen my future lover?

Fortune-teller: I only see a woman

BL: What woman?

Fortune-teller: Your future lover's wife

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At funfair...

BL: I'm on a bad streak. I couldn't win anything

IR: Don't give up. You should use your experience

BL: Wat experience?

IR: Your experience in winning over men

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WR: Here's the news headlines: AIDS spreading like wildfire, killing millions...

BL: Old school

WR: Pollution soaring skyhigh...

BL: Yesterday's fashion

WR: Today's men don't stray away from wives and families...

BL: OMG, that's terrible!

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Man: If you don't marry me, I'll kill myself

BL: I'm sorry, I still cannot accept your proposal

UR: Don't worry, I'll marry you

Man: Thank you for making me want to kill myself more

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BL: *talks to mirror* Listen good. You are the most beautiful woman in the world. The most, most beautiful woman in the world

All the roomates: *as soon as BL leaves* Don't listen to her. You're the most beautiful!

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Man: What do you think of love?

BL: Love is priceless

Man: Then let's get married!

BL: Marriage is expensive

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BL: If you act silly, men will think you have quality

UR: No offence, but I kinda question that theory. I've tried it so many times and no men think I have quality

BL: I mean act silly, not be silly

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IR: Can you love 2 men at once?

BL: Of course not. I usually fall in love with a bunch of men at once

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BL: To be honest, I've lost count of all the men I've loved

IR: You better keep track of yourself

BL: Why?

IR: Lovers can count; bitches can't

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UR: Why don't men love me? Why don't men ever care about me? Why? Why?

BL: Coz men hate women who can't stop asking why

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Waiter: The total is $113, plz

BL: Here. *hands him a card* Come fren, let's go

WR: Wat is that card you just gave him? Don't you need to sign for it?

BL: It's my phone number

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BL: Men to me are like disposables. Once used can be disposed of. So to me, breaking up wif men is like throwing out the garbage

UR: Are there many like you out there?

BL: Nope. But when it comes to picking up the garbage, there's plenty

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BL: You're always so busy, no wonder you have an unhappy life

WR: Humph! At least I'm creating opportunities for many people. What abt u? What's ur contribution to society being aloof n unemployed?

BL: I'm creating many opportunities for men

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IR: I have much interest in philosophy

BL: I, too, have much interest in philosophy

IR: I've gone to 10 philosopher's lectures

BL: I've gone on 10 philosopher's beds

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WR: *On the phone* What?! The stocks have gone down drastically! Get rid of my stocks immediately!

BL: Lend me your phone plz *dials number* Get rid of all my stock-buying boyfriends!

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UR: I love to collect things that symbolize freedom. Look, here's the rock taken from the walls of the parliament where Guy Fawkes tried to bomb

BL: I have something similar too. Look, a copy of my friend's divorce papers

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Man: You're the comet that comes only once a millenium, you're the genie in the thousand year old bottle, you're the brightest star that shines in the galaxy...

BL: Go away. I will not associate myself with someone who sees so little of me

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BL: I know the best coffee in France, the best sushi in Japan, the best steak in NY

IR: Can you help me get a bottle of ketchup?

BL: Where can I get that?!

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At the golf course...

Man: Steady... Steady... Steady... Steady...

BL: I'm very steady

Man: I meant me

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BL: This is the list of men I broke in the past, present and will be in the future

IR: You should save a little

BL: What? The men?

IR: No, the paper

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UR: What are you doing?

BL: Deciding who to date.

UR: What's choosing shoes gotta do with who to date?

BL: Short heels for short men, high heels for tall men

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Waiter: What'll it be?

BL: *whispers to IR* Any men interested with us wen we came in?

IR: *whispers bk* I don't think so

BL: *talks to waiter* Just give us the cheapest set lunch

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BL: Phew! It's getting hot in here *removes jacket* Ah, that's better

Men: Phew! It's getting hot in here

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BL: Tomorrow I'm going to enjoy the romance of Paris, then the next day the roughin' n toughin' of Germany, then the next day the vibrant of America, then finally the next day the protectiveness of Japan

WR: Don't be ridiculous. You can't go to four different countries in four days!

BL: Maybe, but four different men would do the trick

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BL: I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all. Do you think I'd be happier if I stop seducing men?

Psychiatrist: Nope, but I bet many women would

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BL: Make me copies of 10 keys

Locksmith: No problem. Have a lot of doors, haven't we?

BL: Have a lot of boyfriends

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BL: I'll pay you $50 to see my future

Fortune-teller: I'm sorry, I can't do that

BL: Why not?

Fortune-teller: *points at a bunch of men behind her* They paid me more to see your past

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BL: My 1st bf gave me these earrings, my 2nd bf gave me this ring, my 3rd bf gave me this bracelet...

Man: I'm sorry. I can't afford to give you jewelry

BL: Then give me a new bf

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WR: Experts say that this year the whole country's women have an average of dating more boyfriends than last year by 50%

IR: That's ridiculous. I've never had dated more than I did last year

UR: I agree. This statistic is flawed

BL: No problem, they must've included my number of dates

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WR: You know the beauty of computers? Whatever information I need, I can just get it with the click of a button

BL: You know the beauty of phones? Whatever men I want, I can just call them with the dial of a number

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UR: Men today are hopeless in the test of love. How do I let them know that I'm their only sweetheart

BL: Don't let them see other sweethearts

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UR: Where have all the good men gone?

BL: Taken away by bad women

UR: Then where have all the bad men gone?

BL: Taking away good women

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IR: Can someone live without love?
BL: Of course, and they live longer too

IR: That's a relief

BL: Although they don't care if you're alive or not

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WR: How many men have you broke up with exactly?

BL: Too many to count

WR: Don't you get hate mail from them?

BL: Yeah, but their wives' thank you note balance it out

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Man: OMG! How could you dump me for that man? Does he earn more than me?

BL: Of course not, darling, but he spends better than you

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BL: Many men say this to me "Marry me or I'll die"

UR: Many men had said something like that to me

BL: Such as?

UR: "Marry me and I'll die"

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BL: Truth be told, men are only women's toys

IR: I'm still a kid, I don't understand the meaning

BL: Don't worry. I'll get you a child-safe toy

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IR: Why do men like to put their hands on women's bodies?

BL: Coz it gives them satisfaction

IR: Then what should we do to get satisfaction?

BL: Put our hands into their wallets

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Man: You are my goddess

BL: Get out of here

Man: You are my salvation

BL: Get out of here

Man: *walks off n muttered* I guess not even money can win the hearts of women

BL: Get back here

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IR: Look at all the number of love letters I got from my boyfriend

BL: That's nothing. Look at all the messengers I got from sending letters for my boyfriend

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WR: Is it true that men starts to regret after the wedding next day?
BL: Yes, of course

WR: What abt the women?

BL: When the husband stop letting her buy new clothes

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BL: When men stops talking, women starts nagging

UR: When women stops talking?

BL: Men starts worrying

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Since my husband and I were split from each other for three years, I never thought anything would work. I tried to be positive about this spell because I knew it was real and because of that there would be no negative things that happened, so what did I have to lose? Well actually I had everything to GAIN! My husband has been home now for over a week and he is home for good! The kids are so happy and we are having a renewal of our vows on our anniversary in September. I cannot thank you and your gods enough for helping him to find his way back to us. You are the real angel here Dr. Lee! He is ready to help anyone that comes for help. Contact him via: Ancienspellhome@gmail.com .......

Regards
Elena Griffin