Saturday, September 19, 2009 | By: BlackGargie

Beautiful Lady Jokes

Guides - Beautiful Lady = BL

Workaholic Roomate = WR

Ugly Roomate = UR

Innocent Roomate = IR

WR: *sighs* It's been 5 years since I broke up wif my ex. His image is still a little blur to me

BL: *sighs* Same here. Sometimes I can't even remember how exactly does he look like

WR: How many years since you broke up?

BL: *looks at clock* Half an hour ago

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UR: Sometimes I feel a sudden rush of depression these days. You know how to get rid of it?

BL: Try falling in love. Love is always the best medicine

UR: What about marriage?

BL: Please don't overdose

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IR: I can't sleep with lights!

WR: Well I can't sleep without light!

BL: I can't sleep without men!

WR: *looks outside* You just woke up the whole damn neighbourhood of men...

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Landlord: Time for rent!

BL: *hides n keeps quiet*

Landlord: I know you're home

BL: *remains quiet*

Landlord: Every husband in the neighbourhood is with their wives today

BL: *groans n pays rent*


Landlord: Time for rent! And if you can't pay you'll have to pack up n leave

BL: *shouts out loud* Guys! I'm leaving!

5 men (showed up outta nowhere): *digging their wallets* How much? I'll pay!


UR: How's the current economy status?

WR: *points to BL* Ask her

UR: But she's not an economist!
WR: True, but she can tell from her gifts she get from men the economy status


WR: Who's that waiting down there in a tux?

BL: He's been trying to woo me for 3 days now. His dad's the executive manager of a jewelry company and owns 3 other businesses in England and 2 more in China

WR: Then what are you waiting for??

BL: I'm thinking whether I should be his stepmother

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WR: The economy is more and more worse. Ppl r looking for second jobs to cope with the expenses. What about you?

BL: The same. I'm looking for men with two jobs


BL: I am born to be every man's lover. But I'm a new age lover: I only require men's love, not their money

WR: So how do you support yourself?

BL: Through their wives' request for separation fee


BL: I dug deep into my pockets to publish 2000 copies of my novel of my love affair with 10 married men. First day of sales n I sold them all out

IR: Wow! That's amazing! How did you do it?

BL: Those 10 idiots bought 200 copies each


WR: You go around flirting and taking advantage of men, and hv overly high maintenance. Why can't you get rid of that stereotypical attitude and be a modern woman? You are a shame to all women

BL: I don't mind, as long as I'm the pride of all men


BL: Come shopping with me

IR: I thought u always ask some guy to go shopping with you

BL: Can't. Their wives all wanted to go out shopping


At the cinema...

Man #1: Get me a seat with a clear view

Man #2: A seat with a clear view, please

Man #3: A seat with a clear view

BL: A seat with a clear view of me


BL: Hello there. Doesn't your father usually come over to collect the rent?

Landlord's son: It can't be helped. He's getting old

BL: Too old for money-collecting?

Landlord's son: Too old for women-watching


BL: Can you delay the rent for a few more days?

Landlord: Sure, just come closer

UR: What about me?

Landlord: Sure, just stay away


BL: Love is lethal. When you can't get men to notice you at first sight, you're dead

IR: What if a man doesn't notice you at first sight?

BL: Hurry up and get another man to do so


BL: *receiving a string of calls* Hello, Jerry, dinner on Friday? No problem. Hello, Andy, shopping on Saturday? No problem. Hello, Vincent, hot springs on Sunday? No problem.

WR: *thinks* If my business is as hot as her, I'd have no problem


UR: If one day I get married, will you seduce my husband?

BL: Goodness, dear, we've been friends for so long. How could you not trust me?

UR: I'm just a little worried

BL: If you don't trust my character, at least you should trust my taste


Waiter: Ma'am, please pay the check. We're closing

BL: Is there no men willing to pay my tab?

Waiter: Sorry, ma'am. Not a single one

BL: *thinking* I'm definitely not coming back to this gay restaurant


WR: Experts say that every 3 people, one of them is a working woman. I just don't understand why you choose to remain unemployed

BL: What do you know? I'm one of the reasons why the other 2 men is working their asses off


BL: How much do you actually have?

Man: How much do you actually worth?


BL: I plan to dump this man

IR: OMG, that man is gorgeous! Why? Are you bored of him?

BL: All my friends are bored of him

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UR: What's the pros of getting married?

BL: It trains your memory

UR: How so?

BL: You'll thinking back your single days

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BL: Have you seen my future lover?

Fortune-teller: I only see a woman

BL: What woman?

Fortune-teller: Your future lover's wife

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At funfair...

BL: I'm on a bad streak. I couldn't win anything

IR: Don't give up. You should use your experience

BL: Wat experience?

IR: Your experience in winning over men

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WR: Here's the news headlines: AIDS spreading like wildfire, killing millions...

BL: Old school

WR: Pollution soaring skyhigh...

BL: Yesterday's fashion

WR: Today's men don't stray away from wives and families...

BL: OMG, that's terrible!

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Man: If you don't marry me, I'll kill myself

BL: I'm sorry, I still cannot accept your proposal

UR: Don't worry, I'll marry you

Man: Thank you for making me want to kill myself more

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BL: *talks to mirror* Listen good. You are the most beautiful woman in the world. The most, most beautiful woman in the world

All the roomates: *as soon as BL leaves* Don't listen to her. You're the most beautiful!

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Man: What do you think of love?

BL: Love is priceless

Man: Then let's get married!

BL: Marriage is expensive

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BL: If you act silly, men will think you have quality

UR: No offence, but I kinda question that theory. I've tried it so many times and no men think I have quality

BL: I mean act silly, not be silly

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IR: Can you love 2 men at once?

BL: Of course not. I usually fall in love with a bunch of men at once

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BL: To be honest, I've lost count of all the men I've loved

IR: You better keep track of yourself

BL: Why?

IR: Lovers can count; bitches can't

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UR: Why don't men love me? Why don't men ever care about me? Why? Why?

BL: Coz men hate women who can't stop asking why

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Waiter: The total is $113, plz

BL: Here. *hands him a card* Come fren, let's go

WR: Wat is that card you just gave him? Don't you need to sign for it?

BL: It's my phone number

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BL: Men to me are like disposables. Once used can be disposed of. So to me, breaking up wif men is like throwing out the garbage

UR: Are there many like you out there?

BL: Nope. But when it comes to picking up the garbage, there's plenty

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BL: You're always so busy, no wonder you have an unhappy life

WR: Humph! At least I'm creating opportunities for many people. What abt u? What's ur contribution to society being aloof n unemployed?

BL: I'm creating many opportunities for men

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IR: I have much interest in philosophy

BL: I, too, have much interest in philosophy

IR: I've gone to 10 philosopher's lectures

BL: I've gone on 10 philosopher's beds

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WR: *On the phone* What?! The stocks have gone down drastically! Get rid of my stocks immediately!

BL: Lend me your phone plz *dials number* Get rid of all my stock-buying boyfriends!

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UR: I love to collect things that symbolize freedom. Look, here's the rock taken from the walls of the parliament where Guy Fawkes tried to bomb

BL: I have something similar too. Look, a copy of my friend's divorce papers

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Man: You're the comet that comes only once a millenium, you're the genie in the thousand year old bottle, you're the brightest star that shines in the galaxy...

BL: Go away. I will not associate myself with someone who sees so little of me

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BL: I know the best coffee in France, the best sushi in Japan, the best steak in NY

IR: Can you help me get a bottle of ketchup?

BL: Where can I get that?!


At the golf course...

Man: Steady... Steady... Steady... Steady...

BL: I'm very steady

Man: I meant me

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BL: This is the list of men I broke in the past, present and will be in the future

IR: You should save a little

BL: What? The men?

IR: No, the paper

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UR: What are you doing?

BL: Deciding who to date.

UR: What's choosing shoes gotta do with who to date?

BL: Short heels for short men, high heels for tall men

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Waiter: What'll it be?

BL: *whispers to IR* Any men interested with us wen we came in?

IR: *whispers bk* I don't think so

BL: *talks to waiter* Just give us the cheapest set lunch

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BL: Phew! It's getting hot in here *removes jacket* Ah, that's better

Men: Phew! It's getting hot in here

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BL: Tomorrow I'm going to enjoy the romance of Paris, then the next day the roughin' n toughin' of Germany, then the next day the vibrant of America, then finally the next day the protectiveness of Japan

WR: Don't be ridiculous. You can't go to four different countries in four days!

BL: Maybe, but four different men would do the trick

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BL: I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all. Do you think I'd be happier if I stop seducing men?

Psychiatrist: Nope, but I bet many women would

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BL: Make me copies of 10 keys

Locksmith: No problem. Have a lot of doors, haven't we?

BL: Have a lot of boyfriends

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BL: I'll pay you $50 to see my future

Fortune-teller: I'm sorry, I can't do that

BL: Why not?

Fortune-teller: *points at a bunch of men behind her* They paid me more to see your past

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BL: My 1st bf gave me these earrings, my 2nd bf gave me this ring, my 3rd bf gave me this bracelet...

Man: I'm sorry. I can't afford to give you jewelry

BL: Then give me a new bf

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WR: Experts say that this year the whole country's women have an average of dating more boyfriends than last year by 50%

IR: That's ridiculous. I've never had dated more than I did last year

UR: I agree. This statistic is flawed

BL: No problem, they must've included my number of dates

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WR: You know the beauty of computers? Whatever information I need, I can just get it with the click of a button

BL: You know the beauty of phones? Whatever men I want, I can just call them with the dial of a number

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UR: Men today are hopeless in the test of love. How do I let them know that I'm their only sweetheart

BL: Don't let them see other sweethearts

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UR: Where have all the good men gone?

BL: Taken away by bad women

UR: Then where have all the bad men gone?

BL: Taking away good women

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IR: Can someone live without love?
BL: Of course, and they live longer too

IR: That's a relief

BL: Although they don't care if you're alive or not

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WR: How many men have you broke up with exactly?

BL: Too many to count

WR: Don't you get hate mail from them?

BL: Yeah, but their wives' thank you note balance it out

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Man: OMG! How could you dump me for that man? Does he earn more than me?

BL: Of course not, darling, but he spends better than you

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BL: Many men say this to me "Marry me or I'll die"

UR: Many men had said something like that to me

BL: Such as?

UR: "Marry me and I'll die"

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BL: Truth be told, men are only women's toys

IR: I'm still a kid, I don't understand the meaning

BL: Don't worry. I'll get you a child-safe toy

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IR: Why do men like to put their hands on women's bodies?

BL: Coz it gives them satisfaction

IR: Then what should we do to get satisfaction?

BL: Put our hands into their wallets

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Man: You are my goddess

BL: Get out of here

Man: You are my salvation

BL: Get out of here

Man: *walks off n muttered* I guess not even money can win the hearts of women

BL: Get back here

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IR: Look at all the number of love letters I got from my boyfriend

BL: That's nothing. Look at all the messengers I got from sending letters for my boyfriend

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WR: Is it true that men starts to regret after the wedding next day?
BL: Yes, of course

WR: What abt the women?

BL: When the husband stop letting her buy new clothes

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BL: When men stops talking, women starts nagging

UR: When women stops talking?

BL: Men starts worrying


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